By Michael Fiore
Author of Text The Romance Back
Do you know that all it takes is to press a few buttons on your phone to seal the deal? Learn how to do it by watching the video below:
How to Tell a Man You’ll Never $%#& Him
I want to talk about how to “Close the door” on creepy men or men you’re not remotely attracted to so they stop coming on so damned strong and take a hint.
Anonymous asks . . .
“I know you get a lot of questions about how to attract men and keep them, but my question today is about how to say “No” to a man when you don’t share his feelings, or when you’re not sure he’s the one you want.
I seem to respond to a man in one of two ways: I either close off right from the start and don’t give him a chance to develop his interest in me, or I open all the doors unsure how to set limits, and then get overwhelmed by his interest in me and his wanting to know me more, go out with me, share his admiration intensely in words and actions.. etc.
So how can I be receptive and open (which is my nature, I close off only because of fear he might like me when I don’t) and still be setting boundaries and be able to say no without fear, insecurity, awkwardness or cruelty if he wants to take it to the next level?”
Thanks for your incredibly deep, multi-part meta question.
There’s actually a LOT in here, you’re simultaneously asking…
* “How do I get men I DON’T like to take a damn hint and leave me alone?”
* “How do I take it slow with men I DO or (might) like so I don’t get overwhelmed and end up blowing the whole thing up.”
And, without even actually asking it, you’re asking…
* “How do I keep from scaring potentially great men away right off the bat because I’m not SURE he’s the one I want.”
Let’s talk about question 3 first…
How do I keep from scaring potentially great men away right off the bat because I’m not SURE he’s the one I want?
I get a LOT of emails from women asking how to know if a man is “The One.”
The whole concept of “The One” is absolute malarkey.
For every woman (and every man) on the planet, there’s not “one” but DOZENS or maybe even HUNDREDS of amazing folks you could have incredible relationships with.
Now, if you’re just not even remotely attracted to a man, that’s totally fine. There’s no reason you should date him and I’ll tell you how to get rid of him and make it 100% impossible for him to misunderstand you in a second.
But if you’re just not “sure” if he’s somebody you want to be with or not (if you’re at least a LITTLE attracted to him, think there’s the possibility that there could be something there and that he could be a great man) you owe it to yourself and to him to at least give him a SHOT.
Because first impressions are often absolute BS.
When I first met my girlfriend, I was incredibly drunk and dressed like a lounge lizard version of Santa. If she’d let her first impression color what she thought of me and didn’t give me a chance (and if I didn’t pursue her like the grand feast of a woman she is), we wouldn’t be celebrating our 3 year anniversary now.
Yeah, I know. You’re afraid that if you crack that door open even just a little, a man “won’t take the hint,” will pry it open with a crowbar and suddenly you’ll be his “Girlfriend” without even knowing what the heck happened (and why are you suddenly wearing a French Maid outfit?”)
Which actually brings us to our second question:
How do you take things SLOW with a man so you don’t get overwhelmed and end up over your head?
Not everybody needs this, but with the track record you’re showing, you need to have some “Dating Rules Of Engagement.”
Your “Dating Rules of Engagement” are just that: *Rules* you have around dating, love and sex that you’re not allowed to bend or break under ANY circumstances no matter what.
These rules are here for a few reasons:
1. To keep you from getting in over your head and either destroying something that could have been good….
2. To keep you from ending up with “The wrong man” because you don’t know how to say no.
3. To help you maintain your independence no matter what.
Great question. They can vary for everybody, but here’s what I recommend for you:
1. Unless both you and a man make an EXPLICIT decision to be a couple, you will consider yourself and will continue to act as a single woman (which means being at least a little open to other men.)
2. For the first TWO MONTHS of dating a man, you’ll set an unbreakable rule to only see him once per week (and only on a scheduled date.)
3. You won’t have sex with a man for the first month that you’re dating (even if you really want to.) (Making out is OK and really fun.)
4. You won’t agree to be anyone’s “girlfriend” or be a couple with a man unless you’ve been dating him for at least TWO FULL MONTHS (even if you really want to.)
5. If a man starts sending you too many texts, emails or phone calls, you’ll enforce a rule of only getting back to him one full day after he messages you.
Like I said, these rules can really vary depending on who you are, but with your level of sensitivity and openness, it seems to me that you really need to set up non-negotiable barriers about how you interact with men and how much exposure you give your heart.
Which brings us to your FIRST question…
How do you let a man know that you’re 100% not interested in him and that even though you’re a charming, lovely, emotionally open woman, that does NOT mean he has a chance of sleeping with you…
And the answer is . . .
It’s not only hilarious, but it gets the point across REALLY well and with enough humor that you won’t necessarily completely crush his heart.
Oh, and here’s a BONUS QUESTION, Theo asks…
“Hi Mike I have been seeing a man for a couple of months and last week I found he would have cheated. Today he said he wants to see me but also asked me what I want from him. Should I put it all in a text or ask to talk it over face to face. Basically I set a honey trap and he went for it. He went to the address I gave him to meet “the girl” but there was no one there.”
You’re asking the wrong question. It doesn’t really matter one iota to me whether you should put everything into a text or if you should see him face to face.
The fact is that for whatever reason, you felt the need to ENTRAP this man into showing that he “would have cheated.” I don’t know this man and I don’t know if he actually would have cheated or not (or how much incredible “bait” you put into the messages you sent him, but that’s pretty darned toxic behavior.
EVERY man and EVERY woman would cheat in the right situation and with the right circumstances (though everybody’s circumstances are different.)
If I found out a girl “Tested” me like that (even if I passed) I’d dump her like a ton of bricks and would never even speak to her again. That’s no way to live and that’s no way to find love.
But what if you meet a man you’re SUPER into, but he can’t seem to take a hint that you DO like him, what do you do?
That’s a whole other situation, but fortunately, it’s way EASIER to deal with this one. I recently put up a video showing you how to get him off his gorgeous butt and take action!
And by that, I mean kicking himself and wondering why he didn’t sweep you off your feet sooner!
It all starts by sending him the right text messages to capture his heart and turn him into a romantic Prince Charming overnight.
Yup, you read that right – all it takes is to press a few buttons on your phone to seal the deal. Learn how to do it by watching the video below:
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