By Brad Browning
From The Ex Factor Guide
If you can’t tell for sure if you’re over analyzing your ex’s behavior, then check this out:
The Ex Factor Guide
How to Not Win Your Ex Back (The Most Common Mistakes)
I’ll tell you what you shouldn’t be doing if you want to win back your ex and live happily ever after.
Most of you probably know about me already. But if not, my name’s Brad Browning, a relationship coach and breakup expert based in Vancouver, Canada.
I’m also the author of The Ex Factor Guide, a best-selling program that walks readers through the process of getting their ex back.
Anyway, I already know you want your ex back, because you’re reading this now…
…but what you may not realize is that often, it’s more important to know what you SHOULDN’T do rather than what you SHOULD do.
Tons of people in your situation have a good chance of reuniting with their ex, but they unknowingly do or say things that end up ruining their shot.
There are two reasons people do dumb things that push their ex further away and hurt their chances of getting their ex back.
Reason #1: They get overwhelmed with emotion and can’t control the urge to say or do something that they know is probably a bad idea.
If the breakup ended as a result of cheating or a big argument, a person might send their ex an angry message full of hurtful comments.
You know it’s a dumb thing to do, but you can’t help yourself.
Obviously, you don’t need me to tell you that this kind of impulsive heat-of-the-moment things is a bad idea. But hopefully, you’ve got the self-restraint to avoid doing stuff like that.
The second reason people do dumb stuff that ruins their chances of getting their ex back is much more common.
It’s because what you think is the right course of action to get him back…
What seems, logically, to be the obvious right way to change your ex’s mind about breaking up is actually the complete opposite of what you should be doing.
Let me give you an example.
Most people, in the weeks after a breakup, try to reach out to their ex and talk to them about their relationship and the breakup. Maybe they’ll be looking for closure, trying to convince their ex to give them another chance.
Either way, doing that is actually an absolute, 100% guaranteed way to make things worse.
You don’t want to be talking to your ex at all in the first few weeks after the breakup, even though it probably seems like an obvious thing to do at first.
Even though it’s counter-intuitive, avoiding any contact with your ex is a must for some time after the breakup.
Trust me on this, even if you think you’ve got something to say that will change your ex’s mind, don’t talk to him.
For the first while after your breakup, you want to “shock” your ex into experiencing how difficult it is to deal with your sudden disappearance.
Your ex was used to having you around all the time, and when you suddenly vanish, the pain and feelings of missing you will be much stronger if you completely disappear than if you continue to talk to your ex regularly.
Reason #2: Talk to your ex about the relationship or the breakup
This common mistake is a great way to blow your shot at getting back together.
Any kind of “serious” discussion – whether it’s bringing up old drama, going over old arguments, or discussing the things that led to your breakup – is a recipe for disaster.
This type of stuff is what caused your ex to lose his feelings for you in the first place – it’s what caused the collapse of your relationship.
How will re-hashing old disputes or re-visiting problems from the past relationship make your ex want to take you back?
All that does is remind your ex why he wanted out of his life.
What you need is for your ex to let go of those bad memories and problems that led to the breakup.
In fact, studies have shown that negative memories tend to fade over time much more quickly than positive memories, meaning that your period of “no contact” after the breakup can help your ex forget about the negatives and latch on to the more nostalgic and positive stuff.
Every time you talk with your ex about the relationship or engage into any kind of bickering, drama, or mind games… you’re only digging yourself a deeper hole and making yourself look less attractive in the eyes of your ex.
See, the thing many people don’t recognize is that the key to getting your ex back is to change their perception of you from “loser ex who isn’t right for me” into “great catch that I’m compatible with”.
Obviously, because you’re broken up, your ex thinks of you in a negative light… or at least, the level of attraction has faded to the point where he no longer wants to be with you.
So when you change that perception…when you do and say things that re-build attraction…
…and you suddenly start to look more like the girl that he first fell in love with…
…then your ex will begin to have doubts about the breakup and will start to think of you in a romantic way again.
Of course, it goes without saying that any type of begging, pleading, or repeatedly apologizing to your ex after the breakup is a bad idea.
Remember, you’re supposed to have no contact at first, and especially nothing serious or dramatic.
Begging and pleading make you look desperate and needy, which obviously isn’t going to make you more attractive to him.
Another thing you shouldn’t be doing is outwardly showing your emotions. Don’t log on to Facebook and tell the world how heartbroken you are.
Don’t post sad quotes to Instagram or stop talking to your friends because you’re too upset to leave the house. When your ex sees this, it’s just going to reinforce their belief that they’re making the right decision.
If you get on with life, act positive and upbeat around other people, and begin moving on with life, your ex is going to second-guess their choice to let you walk out of his life.
Ideally, you want your ex to think you’re actually thriving since the breakup. This will be unexpected and can cause a little bit of jealousy, which can be useful.
Avoid spending all your time worrying about what he’s doing.
It’s tempting to stalk your ex on Facebook, talk to mutual friends, and overanalyze every word that comes out of his mouth.
What does it mean? Does he miss me? Is he dating someone new?
Don’t drive yourself nuts by constantly trying to analyze what your ex is doing and what it means.
It doesn’t matter, anyway. You can’t control what your ex does, but you CAN control your own actions, so that’s where you should focus your time and effort.
Now, let’s do a quick recap of the things you shouldn’t be doing if you want your ex back:
1. No begging, pleading, apologizing repeatedly, or promising to change;
2. No serious talks, no discussing the relationship or breakup, no arguments or bickering; as much as possible, no talking to your ex at all for a few weeks after the breakup;
3. No sad Facebook posts, spending nights at home alone crying to yourself, or endlessly whining to the world about your heartache; And no stalking your ex or over-analyzing every little thing they say or do.
If you can successfully avoid doing those things, you’re already in better shape than many people in your situation.
If you’ve already made these mistakes, or you want to learn more about how to re-build your ex’s attraction and eventually win him back, then check this out…
You’ll learn some sneaky psychological tactics that’ll help win back your ex, and you’ll learn what you should say to your ex to make him want you back.
Sharing is caring: