By Brad Browning
From The Ex Factor Guide
If you can’t tell for sure if you’re over analyzing your ex’s behavior, then check this out:
Compatibility Checklist: Essential Ingredients To Be Compatible
Getting into a relationship is easy but staying in it gets a little complicated.
You meet this amazing person, you are head over heels for them, and daydream about them all day long. It’s exciting! You keep replaying the events of your dates and how sweet they seem. Then boom, after a few weeks the crush is gone. So what went wrong?
The answer is in what you expected at the beginning of the relationship versus the reality of who the person really is.
Most people have a checklist of qualities their potential mate should possess. It’s important to note that in order to have a lasting relationship, you have to look past their success, beauty or achievements. Those are the things that attracted you to them but will not make you stay. Especially once you realize they have nothing more to offer.
Here are a few traits I consider essential attributes to a long and healthy relationship:
1. They are open and receptive.
Your ideal potential should be an open book. It is essential to be with someone you can trust enough to open up to and is approachable. The opposite is true. This way you can both share your deepest desires, dreams, fears and hopes. It creates a strong bond between each other.
Honesty is the key to trusting each other. Your potential lover should be honest about their lives and endeavors. There is nothing heartbreaking more than realizing your partner has been lying to you. It simply makes you wonder what else they are lying about. It automatically breaks the trust that might take forever to rebuild.
3. They are mature and emotionally stable
Having a mature person in a relationship is rewarding. It means you two can hold a discussion and understand each other from a different type of view. You can disagree without it escalating into a full-blown fight. On the other hand, dealing with someone that is emotionally unstable will cause you unnecessary drama.
They will drag you in their mess. Emotional instability can be a sign of childhood trauma or loss and they really need to grow up. You’re not there to babysit. Let them do that on their own, but you can help them do so.
4. They are committed to making the relationship work
Your ideal lover should be committed to putting in the effort to make it work. We can all agree that relationships need to be molded and cultivated into a success. It is not easy and it will not be a smooth ride. Don’t be fooled with the relationship goals you see on the social media.
Off camera, you’re dealing with a real person. Both of you have different beliefs and were raised differently. You are both bound to have rough times. The only way you people can survive is if you both work together. If it’s one-sided, the relationship will fail. The burden will be too much for one person and when you finally let go. It all falls apart.
5. They are sensitive and respectful
Both you and your partner need to respect each other and be sensitive to their needs. You both need mindful of the others feelings not just your own. Respect goes a long way. Understand that you both have different personalities and it is important to respect boundaries.
Don’t try to control their actions and manipulate them into doing whatever you want. You both should value each other and refrain from hurting their feelings. They should be responsible for their words and behavior avoid being disrespectful.
6. A charming personality
The ideal partner should have a charming personality. On the long term, you want to be around someone who is cheerful, easy going and fun to be around. Not someone who is boring, a snob and annoying. Of course, no one is ever in their best mood all the time but for crying out loud, lighten up!
When your partner is charming the relationship will seem effortless as you’ll both enjoy each other’s company. They will always make you feel good about yourself and you’ll love how that feels. They should be friendly and approachable.
7. Have a right sense of humor
Let’s face it, we would all want to be with people who lighten up the room with their laughter, right? There is something sexy about a person who can take a joke and have a hearty laugh. Your partner should be able to be playful and jovial. Couples that are able to diffuse a tensed situation with humor tend to last longer.
8. The chemistry between you two is amazing
When the relationship is new, the chemistry is often electric. It makes you feel all types of goodness inside. I’m sure you’ve experienced it at some point. You know the kind of feeling that will you smiling to yourself as you think of them. You have butterflies when going on a date. Well, after a few dates, the butterflies fly away!
Now what is left are two adults struggling to like each other, but it shouldn’t be that way. If the chemistry was real and not lustful, it shouldn’t go away. It is possible to have wonderful chemistry for a really long time. All you both need to do is keep your relationship spontaneous.
9. They are loyal and independent
It goes without saying that your ideal partner should be loyal. Infidelity is, of course, a deal breaker. No one wants to be with a person who belongs to you and the whole community. A relationship should be between two people with a mutual agreement to be together and faithful to each other.
It is incredibly fulfilling to be with a person who is independent and respects your trust. Your ideal partner should have your best interest at heart and realize that loyalty is non-negotiable.
10. They should be kind, thoughtful and affectionate.
Your potential partner should be kind to you. Kindness is a virtue that can’t be corrupted. They should care for your needs, be thoughtful and affectionate. You both should both do all the things that you would do for a friend. When the relationship is not selfish, it can survive for a long time.
Empathy is the ability to understand what your better half is feeling or understand their view. You and your partner should not be trying to fix their flaws but rather be there for them. When two people understand each other on an intellectual and emotional level, they can easily make it work.
When both of you are empathic, you will have a mutual understanding, care, values and respect. You will both be able to appreciate your commonalities and accept your differences. They will accept the things they cannot change about you not criticize.
Human is to error. We all make mistakes, but when someone finds it hard to forgive it becomes a problem that won’t go away. Both you and your partner should not keep scores. It’s okay to be accountable for your actions, but constantly bringing up the past is not healthy.
If you are finding it hard to let go or they are reminding you of something you did years ago, well your relationship is in the ICU. It’s only a matter of time before it breaks. Discuss such issues, forgive and forget so that your relationship has a chance to heal and thrive.
Successful relationships need to be nurtured. It takes two people to make it work. It’s not possible for you to have the list and you possess none of the qualities. Try and work on yourself as an individual and together as a team. For that to be possible, both of you need to leave your egos out the door.
Make it a choice to work on flourishing together and not individually. Good luck!