By Slade Shaw
Author of Why Men Pull Away
Learn exactly what pushes men to leave…and how to NEVER feel abandoned or rejected
Are Men Really Emotionally Unavailable?
“His heart is too full, and no words to release it.” – Gabrielle Zevin
There’s this myth that guys are always closed off and refuse to open up at some point in the relationship.
Many women are baffled when a wonderful new person comes into their life, only for him to shut down later on.
What’s the deal? Are men simply wired to be uncaring, unfeeling creatures?
I can understand your frustration, but you have to understand that men operate on a different emotional frequency than women.
This is why it SEEMS hard to read a guy’s signals. But the reality is quite the opposite…
The thing about men is that they process their feelings differently, and this can be confusing or even infuriating for women.
That’s why I want to clear the air about this sticky topic.
Let’s shed a little light on what goes on in a guy’s head when he deals with his feelings.
Here are the 3 most common reasons why it seems like men lack emotional depth…when in fact, they don’t:
#1: Relationships confuse him
I’d wager a guess that no one knows absolutely everything about the crazy business of being in a relationship.
That includes both men AND women.
And that means there will be times when those twists and turns will throw his bearings off every now and then.
One particularly confusing time for him is when you first go to bed with him.
Most women assume they’re more affected by this milestone, but it can be just as surreal for guys.
Plus, guys often expect that you’re already thinking about the long-term future of your budding relationship.
But you know that that’s not always the case.
It’s more likely you just want to take it up a notch.
It’s not like you’re already making wedding plans or thinking about how many kids you want, right?
(Please tell me you’re not…)
So once you’ve crossed that intimacy line, your guy will start taking all of those what-ifs into account.
And it creates all sorts of thoughts in his head like, “What if she wants the keys to my place so she can dump her girly stuff in my bathroom?”
Or he might be thinking, “What if she sits me down to have ‘The Talk’…I bet it’s coming any day now…”
Blame it on a guy’s natural desire for independence, I suppose.
It’s important to a guy that he’s able to do what he wants and hang out with others that support his growth.
Which is why men have a built-in fear that the girl he just started seeing is going to put an end to all that.
So my point is that with all of those things going on inside him, it puts him in this really weird place, emotionally speaking.
This is what often causes guys to clam up and act distant.
He doesn’t know how to talk about these things without feeling really awkward – or possibly hurting you.
#2: He thinks you’re a little too attached
Some women in that “We just slept together, what now” phase are also thrown for a loop, and react in a certain way.
There are times when the girl “gave it up” earlier than she had planned in order to “lock down” her guy.
So she experiences a kind of “buyer’s remorse” because things moved too fast, too soon.
Other women are just looking for a quick, no-strings-attached kind of deal, but found themselves in too deep before they knew it.
Sadly, some of these girls feel ashamed after doing the deed, which really is unnecessary guilt.
There’s nothing wrong if you just wanted a one-night stand, and you shouldn’t feel like you did something wrong.
But in any case, a lot of women respond to these situations by trying to move things into a more serious territory.
Or they start plotting the relationship against a timetable they have in their head.
And this can be the source of excessively needy behavior that can make guys withdraw emotionally.
Take note I said “excessively”.
Everyone is a little needy, and that’s ok!
After all, why else would we seek out companionship, if not to meet a very basic need we ALL have?
But remember that men have a tendency to disengage when we’re constantly asked to validate the relationship.
So you gotta keep that neediness with reason – otherwise, it could drive him away.
#3: It’s not you, it’s him
I’m pretty sure you’ve heard this one before…but it’s not what you think.
You see, there are times in a guy’s life when he needs some space to get his head on straight.
Any responsible, well-rounded guy has other things in his life to take care of aside from his relationship.
He’s got his career, his friends, his hobbies and a bunch of other obligations to balance.
(Don’t get me wrong – I’m sure he’s crazy about you. But it would be scary if you’re the ONLY thing he has going on, so having other priorities is healthy for him!)
And sometimes, it can get a little too overwhelming for him. You don’t see it, but he’s constantly trying to meet a lot of expectations rooted in those things in his life.
So in times like these, he tends to be more withdrawn as he wrestles with the thoughts and emotions swirling in that man-brain of his.
It’s not so much that he’s cutting you out of his life than trying to make sense of the chaos that visits him every now and then.
When your guy gets like this, try not to feel bad because he’s not deliberately rejecting the warmth and affection.
Chances are he just needs to deal with those other things and take the pressure off. Only then will he be able to give his time and attention to your relationship.
I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear, but that’s how the male mind operates.
You’ve won half the battle (more like 90% actually) if you can simply take a step back and let him do this thing.
When the fog has lifted and he’s won his battles, he’ll remember how you stood by with love and understanding.
But what if he’s STILL pulling away?
Maybe you’ve already gotten past the post-sex awkwardness, slain your inner beasts of neediness and he’s done dealing with his personal stuff.
And yet, this guy of yours is still the unreadable Sphinx with the emotional range of a wet pile of laundry…
Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.
If you’re concerned that your man and slipping through your fingers, I’ve got a FREE video presentation that explains why men pull away…
…and how to keep him from walking out the door forever.
Learn the secret right here:
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