By Michael Fiore
Author of The Secret Survey
Acquire the knowledge that will make you feel like you’ve got Magic Powers to suddenly see into the minds of men, to make any man happy, and to be adored by any man you want:
Why He Lies: How To Know If A Man Truly Loves You
“Bitter” Women Instantly Learn To Trust Again By Following These 4 Simple Steps
Internationally-known relationship expert Michael Fiore reveals the simple 4-step process any woman can use to let go of bitterness and learn to trust again no matter how badly men have disappointed you and no matter how badly your heart was broken in the past . . .
“But Michael, how can I ever TRUST a man again after what he DID to me?”
I just stared at the computer screen, glassy eyed and sad.
There I was at my desk poring through the endless stack of emails I get every day asking for relationship advice.
And just like every day variations on the exact same question kept bubbling to the top again and again and bursting in my face like an endless geyser of bitterness and broken-hearted tears . . .
Questions like:
“Michael, my ex boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. How can I ever trust a man again?”
“Michael, I met a man online and he LIED to me and tried to get me to send him money. How can I ever TRUST a man again?”
“Michael, I thought my boyfriend wanted the same future I did but instead of proposing he broke up with me. I gave him my best years and got nothing in return. How can I ever TRUST a man again?”
And on and on and on . . .
Thousands and thousands of women nursing battered and broken hearts and stuck somewhere between wounded suspicion that “all men are scum,” and bright-eyed hope that the prince you’ve been waiting for is still on his way.
If you’ve ever felt yourself feeling inconsolably bitter and unable to trust men, read the rest of this article right now and watch the special video I’m going to tell you about in just a moment as I teach you the four “simple” steps to instantly eliminating bitterness and learning to trust again no matter how badly you’ve been wounded in the past.
Step 1: Stop Confusing “Trusting” a Man With Hoping He’ll Meet Your Secret Expectations
Quick Quiz: Without looking at the dictionary app on your phone, what does trust mean to you anyway?
Got an answer? Can you say it in 10 words or less? Or is it more a “feeling” that makes your heart thump with desperate longing?
Here’s the funny part: I’ve asked a lot of women this exact same question and most of them have had a VERY hard time saying exactly what “trusting” a man (or anybody) actually means in the first place . . .
Why?
Because – and this might sound harsh – but from a man’s perspective . . .
Most Women Don’t Actually Know What “Trust” Means In The First Place
Let’s take a look at the definition of “Trust” from dictionary.com.
Trust (Verb): To rely upon or place confidence in someone or something.
Which is kind of gobbledy gook. As a man I can tell you that to me “trusting” someone means I have confidence that he or she will . . .
Do what they say they’re going to do.
Act according to their nature. (I trust sharks to act like sharks. Also lawyers.)
Have my back in a conflict and my best interests at heart.
Not actively try to hurt me.
And that’s kind of it.
What “Trust” Doesn’t Mean (And Shouldn’t Mean) Is Wanting A Man To Live Up To Expectations He Might Not Even Be Aware Of (And Might Not Be Able To Or Want To Live Up To Anyway.)
Before I get into this next part I need to say:
Some men are total scumbags who do truly terrible things to women. If you were physically or emotionally abused by a man then your lack of trust of men is as understandable as a kid who gets bitten by a dog and from then on goes into panic mode when he sees a chihuahua.
And if you were in a monogamous relationship and were cheated on that is in fact a betrayal (though that’s about that particular man not all men in general. Women cheat about as often as men these days and most men and most women don’t cheat.)
BUT . . .
A Lot Of Women Who Feel Like They Can “Never Trust Again” Feel That Way Not Because “All Men Are Untrustworthy” But Because Actual Men Never Live Up To The “Prince Charming” Fantasy You’ve Been Told To Expect Since You Were A Little Girl
Again, trusting someone means having confidence that they’ll do what they say they’re going to do (integrity) act according to their nature (don’t expect a dog to act like a duck) have your back and “be on your team” and not actively try to hurt you.
Nowhere on that list is the idea that you should “trust” a man to live up to the “Perfect Man” fantasies you’ve been told you should want since you were a 6-year-old playing with your Barbie dolls.
If you consciously or unconsciously expect a man to treat you like a Goddess, never even LOOK at other women, have a penis that does magic tricks, constantly shower you with gifts, tell you all his deepest secrets, slay dragons for you and want what you want him to want even if he doesn’t really want it . . .
Well, then it’s not that you can’t trust men, it’s that you have an impossible fantasy that will always leave you disappointed.
Step 2: Forgive Yourself for “Letting” a Man Break Your Trust
OK, this will be shorter than step 1, I promise. =-)
The reason so many women have trouble learning to trust men again isn’t because “all men are assholes” or anything like that . . .
It’s because of SHAME
Did your face just go beat red? Mine did. Why? Because shame is a terrible emotion and a very powerful word.
The fact is there’s two reasons it’s for you to trust again:
Is fear that if you give a man the power to hurt you (And loving someone means giving them tremendous power to hurt you) you’ll be wounded, battered and devastated again. (Your unconscious mind thinks “Last time I trusted a man I got hurt. If I don’t trust a man again I won’t get hurt. Done.”)
Is the SHAME that comes from feeling like you were FOOLISH to trust the man who broke your trust (or perhaps just disappointed your expectations) in the first place.
And I’ll tell you right now this feeling of SHAME… of having “messed up”… of being “dumb” and “bad” because you let love convince you to make unwise decisions…
That’s the real reason you’re so wracked by anxiety and feel that overwhelming compulsion to do a Google search, credit check, criminal background check and astrological compatibility chart on every man you’re even a little attracted to…
And why you find yourself sabotaging potential relationships before they even get started.
It’s because your unconscious mind doesn’t want to feel “wrong” again.
And from your unconscious mind’s point of view “not trusting any man” actually guarantees that you’ll never have to feel ASHAMED of yourself for “being dumb” and giving trust to the wrong man again.
Which Is Why You Need To Forgive Yourself Right Now
You might not even know it but if you feel like you can’t trust it probably means you’re ANGRY at yourself for putting yourself in a position where you could get hurt in the first place.
And the way to forgive yourself is to UNDERSTAND why you trusted in the past and accept that even though you got hurt you had the right intentions.
The fact is, you trusted in the past because just like every other person on the planet you want to be loved.
And being loved means giving another person the power to hurt you.
Just because a man hurt you in the past does not mean you were wrong to trust any human with a penis. It means you took a risk and in this particular case that risk didn’t give you the reward of eternal love and astonishing sex you wanted.
Listen to me: You weren’t foolish to love a man no matter how much he may have betrayed you or hurt you. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, you were only being human.
When you love again you will get hurt again (though hopefully not as bad this time because you are older, wiser and your eyes are wider open.)
How do you forgive yourself?
You go into the bathroom, you look yourself in the eye and you tell yourself: “Sara, I know you’re ashamed and angry and hurt over what happened with Joe, but everything you did you did with the best of intentions and I forgive you.”
It’ll feel really good. I promise. You might cry. (I did.)
Step 3: Eliminate “Victim Language” From Your Vocabulary
What’s “Victim Language?”
That’s a really easy question and once I tell you you’re going to think of a ton of people in your life who use it all the time (in fact you probably have an Aunt who uses nothing but victim language and wonders why nobody wants to sit next to her at Thanksgiving.)
“Victim Language” Is When You Use Words That Give Away All Your Power And Paint You As A Passive Victim
For example, let’s talk about everybody’s favorite topic . . .
CHEATING. (BOOO!)
I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve heard this exact same sentence:
“How can I ever trust a man again after what he DID to me???”
(Ugh.)
Here’s The Blunt And Honest Truth:
Nobody can make you a victim but you.
Nobody can make you happy but you.
Nobody can make you feel anything but you.
And unless somebody physically assaults you, robs you or in some other way directly attacks you, they aren’t “Doing anything to you” at all.
In the case of cheating, it’s not that he “did something to you that made you not be able to trust men again.”
It’s that he “did something” AND now you have a really hard time trusting men.
Do you see the difference?
If you let yourself be a VICTIM it gives all the power to the man who disappointed you or betrayed your trust.
But if you eliminate Victim Language it means YOU have the power and YOU have control.
And finally . . .
Step 4: Learn The Secret Truth of Who Men Really Are
OK, do you remember 9 hours ago (man, this is getting long) when I gave you a definition of what “trust” is (and what it isn’t?)
Sure you do. I said…
“As a man I can tell you that to me ‘trusting’ someone means I have confidence that he or she will . . .
Do what they say they’re going to do.
Act according to their nature. (I trust sharks to act like sharks. Also lawyers.)
Have my back in a conflict and my best interests at heart.
Not actively try to hurt me.
And that’s kind of it.”
I want to close this article out by talking about number 2 up there:
“Act according to their nature.”
Which I could change to “Act according to his nature as a man.”
See, in my 6 years helping literally hundreds-of-thousands of women I’ve discovered that the absolute biggest problem facing most women is that they fundamentally don’t understand who men are, what we want, what drives us, what “trust” and “honor” mean to us or how to communicate with us in a way that actually works.
Bluntly: Most women treat men like we’re incompetent women. (And end up alone and/or miserable because of it.)
But I want to give you a chance to understand men deeper and better than most men understand themselves.
And I want to do it by asking you this question:
Do You Want To Know Who Men Really Are, What Men Really Want And How To Get A Man To Want You And Only You Forever?
If you do (and if you feel like you learned something valuable from this article) I want you to drop whatever you’re doing and go watch this special video I’ve put together for you:
Why Men Lie To Women They Love (And How To Be The One Woman He Opens Up To And Tells The Truth)
In this video you’ll learn 7 almost-magical questions that let you know if a man really loves you the way you deserve to be loved — and if you can finally relax and trust him without fear of making the wrong choice — Or if he’s just using you.
PLUS you’ll hear about my “The Secret Survey: What Men Desperately Want You To Know But Will Never Tell You” program.
What’s “The Secret Survey?”
It’s a special program I put together a few years ago revealing the shocking truth about men I promise no one has ever told you before.
I created the program after I sent a message to my email list of over 80,000 men asking “What’s the one thing you desperately wish the woman in your life understood about men but could never tell her?”
The answers were shockingly emotional and revealing and have already changed the lives of tens-of-thousands of women all around the world.
Listen: If you’ve read this far down this article it means you know that the only way to trust again is to truly understand men for what we are.
And there’s nothing else in the world that can teach you that.
Best,
Mike Fiore
P.S. If you enjoyed this article, please share it with your friends.
P.P.S. As I say in the video “You’ve been lied to by every man you’ve ever met.” Now, you can see that as depressing or you can watch this video and find out WHY men lie (and it has nothing to do with “men being scum” or anything like that.
In fact, when you find out WHY men feel like they HAVE TO lie in order to keep your respect, you’ll be shocked, saddened and will get a wide smile on your face as you feel like you’ve finally got the magic key to his mind and heart.
Here’s the link again: Why Men Lie To Women They Love (And How To Be The One Woman He Opens Up To And Tells The Truth)
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