By Mirabelle Summers
Author of Get A Great Guy Guide
If you want genuine men and not just any man, this will challenge your beliefs about love and attraction, and show you the way to become a seduction success story, check this out…
Get A Great Guy Guide
Conversation Tips – How to Talk To Men
Everybody has sticking points, whether it’s work, relationships or life in general. But that’s fine and dandy because the learning process is what makes us better women.
Now, one of the most common stumbling blocks to more romance in a woman’s life is a simple lack of conversational know-now. The good news is that this can be LEARNED and immediately applied in your everyday life!
Especially while you’re face-to-face with a potential lover!
Oftentimes the problem is that some well-meaning girls overlook the importance of having the right communication style. It’s not that they WANT to be boring; they’re merely unaware of how to hold a conversation.
No sensible gal is going to get up in the morning and tell herself, “I wonder how I’m gonna BORE the socks off of that cute stranger I’m going run into at the coffee shop today?”
If you want to become a better conversationalist, it’s important to consider if you’ve grown accustomed to certain patterns of speech that are actually counterproductive. Sometimes, you need to step back and ask if you’ve fallen into certain habits which you’ve numbed yourself to over time.
So the first step towards any form of improvement is SELF-AWARENESS. Think about the way you normally carry a conversation with a guy and ask yourself if your style could use some polishing.
Of course, I don’t want you to start beating yourself up if you feel that the way you talk to men isn’t as attractive as you might want it to be. Like I said earlier, there’s always room for improvement, and it’s definitely a good thing to know EXACTLY which areas can be improved.
With that said, I want you to go over the following tip you can use to enhance your communication style:
# 1: Rapport is Key
It may sound like the simplest thing in the world to say, but the fact is lots of perfectly adorable women have a hard time doing this.
It’s mainly because they only have a VAGUE idea of what rapport is, so naturally you can’t create something you can’t really put a pin on!
So let’s clear up the fog surrounding this topic and identify what it is exactly. In a nutshell, having rapport is about having a CONNECTION with someone.
You know how you hook up your iPod or mobile phone to your computer, and they suddenly have this mutual understanding? It’s kind of like that, but on a DEEPER level.
Let me give you a clearer picture: if you were at a party packed with all manner of gorgeous, articulate and friendly men, which one of them are you likely to REALLY fall for?
Since they’re all visually and mentally appealing, you might have a hard time figuring out which guy suits you. Chances are the one who naturally understands you will be the man you’d want to date.
Why is that? Well, doesn’t it feel just GREAT when a person instinctively senses where you’re coming from?
I’m sure you’ve met at least one person in your life who you inexplicably feel drawn to. That’s because that person seems to perfectly understand and echo back your own opinions or feelings.
That sense of being connected is what rapport is all about. Fortunately, it’s actually not hard at all to do this in your daily conversations.
The first thing to keep in mind is that you need to be on the ‘same page’ as the person you’re talking to. There are easy ways to do this.
For example, keep an ear out for specific concepts or values that are personally close to the person you’re in a conversation with. If he brings up that it’s important to him to have some quiet time everyday, store that away for future reference.
Later on you can echo back that same concept by telling him about how YOU like to spend your alone time: At the end of the day I like to spend an hour or so curling up with a good book and a nice warm cup of chamomile tea. It really helps decompress after a crazy day, you know what I mean?
Step back and watch his eyes light up like a Christmas tree! By taking something close to his heart and giving it back to him in a genuine way, your words will make quite the IMPACT on him.
So, rapport really has to do a lot with speaking the same ‘language’. Now of course, I don’t mean you have to start mimicking everything he’s saying like a little parrot, but rather do it in an EMOTIONAL sense.
Discovering and talking about the values that resonate with you BOTH is a way to speak the same language.
When you think about it, we often adapt our modes of speech depending on the context we’re in.
For example, you wouldn’t talk to your friends, family, colleagues, or elders in the same EXACT way would you?
So don’t think that you’re being a phony by making an effort to speak in the same way that he does. You’re simply getting into the practice of communicating in a way that’s APPROPRIATE to the situation.
And when it comes to chatting up gorgeous guys, a meeting of the minds is best done through rapport-building speech patterns!
# 2: Switch Off Your Brain
Don’t get me wrong, the kinds of guys who are worth your time are into women of SUBSTANCE. And certainly, this next conversational tip is not about acting air-headed or ditzy.
All I’m advising you do is keep your sexy brain from going into overdrive! A common mistake that intelligent women often commit is to think too much about certain things.
They get so caught up in their own world of thoughts that they’ll come off as aloof or distracted when in reality they’re just petrified from FEAR of not knowing what to say next.
If you don’t want your brain from stalling on you, then you have to quiet your thoughts and shut out the nagging distractions in your pretty little noggin.
The attraction-killing thoughts I’m talking about are those coming from the inner critic trying to sabotage your conversation. Sometimes, we make the mistake of mentally scolding ourselves after saying something that felt out of place or unfunny.
Other times, we’re lost in a maze of thoughts on what to say next or get bogged down in a swamp of self-consciousness.
When you feel your brain going in this direction, acknowledge what’s going on and DROP these mental distractions.
There’s a handy little trick you can do in case your attention is drifting off to la-la land: instead of obsessing about how you look in his eyes or what he might be thinking, simply divert your attention to HIM.
It’s a girl’s best defense against looking aloof or detached from the conversation (or from this plane of reality for that matter!). So remember to shut off this part of your brain, and you’ll do just fine.
On another note, however, sometimes it’s the guy you’re talking to that’s feeling self-conscious. If that’s the case, then don’t act or talk in any way that might give away you’re AWARE of it.
Just play it cool and don’t dwell on the vibe he’s giving off. It’ll only make things more awkward if you let his state affect your own.
# 3: Humor is Your Best Friend
Maybe you’re still feeling each other out and you’re trying to get a handle on how to connect to this hunk of a guy. But the awkward flow of your conversation is creating a major interference in your connection so you’re having a hard time ‘broadcasting’ your signal.
Fear not, friend! The quickest way to clear up all that ‘static’ is by creating a private joke which you can share with him. When you both have some knee-slapping ground to start on, this accelerates the rapport-building process.
My long-time friend Marcus has a great story to illustrate my point. He says:
“One of my first jobs was a freelance product writer for all sorts of health merchandise. During one assignment I was talking with this guy who was telling me about the benefits of a sports bracelet that supposedly reduces muscular fatigue.
I had to put on the bracelet and pretended how less tense my arm felt as I was stretching it. Monique, his pretty sales assistant, was visibly chuckling at how funny I looked during the product demo (though she tried her best to hide it).”
Marcus was then able to use this funny incident as an inside joke when he started chatting up Monqiue. To her delight, he referred to the silly arm-stretching debacle several times during their conversation.
To his benefit, Monique was game enough to tease him about it when they eventually started dating. The moral of the story here is that when used properly, humor serves as a great bridge between two people.
Heck, any doctor knows about the therapeutic effect of laughter. One way to bring on the charm is to put your man on a natural high by cracking a joke or making a witty comment!
Making people laugh will make people (cute guys included) want to be around you to get a dose of your feel-good charisma.
Of course, there’s a big difference between laughing at a joke and MAKING one. However, appearing to be effortless at humor isn’t as hard as you might think.
Don’t assume you need to transform yourself into a standup comic at the drop of a hat.
Generally, a good punch line is the result of properly setting up the joke beforehand. If you need to explain the punch line after delivering it, it means you didn’t build enough suspense first.
(Think about how some characters on TV bumble a perfectly good joke by explaining too much and adding a “get it, get it?” at the end.)
A good way to build up a joke is by keeping a relatively straight face and suppressing any snickers before dropping the punch line on him. Otherwise, there won’t be any escalation.
That’s what comedic timing is all about: buttering up the audience and then BAM, you get the drop on them with a well-placed punch line!
Notice how comedians like Conan O’Brien or Tina Fey churn out the funnies. They like to talk about a mundane news item (the set-up) and then making a zany comment about it (the payoff).
As an aside, avoid making any pop culture references that might alienate or confuse the person you’re talking to. It’s good to be mindful of the particular person in front of you so he can better relate to your “material”.
However, don’t worry about making leaps and bounds in this particular area of conversation. Try adopting these habits of humor little by little into your speech.
Once you hit your stride and finally struck a guy’s funny bone, you’ll notice how easier it is to keep him laughing with a follow-up joke!
One last way to be funny without overdoing it is by doing the “pretend seriousness” routine. A little-lighthearted irony goes a long way with certain folks!
Let’s pretend that your friend introduced you to this incredibly cute guy who happens to be just into music as you are. So halfway through the conversation, he confesses to not having heard about a certain band you absolutely adore.
Take advantage of this opportunity by *playfully* retorting, “Tell me you’re kidding. Otherwise, I’m gonna have to drag you to my place and make you listen to my (name of band) records until you see the light. Seriously!”
Admittedly, this approach might not work for everyone, but if he seems like the guy who’s game enough to go along with the fun, then give it a shot!
#4: Converse With an OPEN Ear
Some women might think that listening is just a simple matter of hearing what the other person is telling them. Truth is, this basic skill we’ve been taught to use over the years is often taken for granted.
Sometimes, we find ourselves zoning out a bit (refer to tip # 2) when we should be PAY ATTENTION in the full sense of the verb. A typical mistake is to listen on a superficial level and merely use the time the guy is talking to think of something to say.
This might sound like common sense, but I have this to share: you’d have a better chance of saying something worthwhile if you truly listened to what the other person just said.
I’ve told countless friends and colleagues that your genuine attention is a very powerful tool for conversational success! Really listening to his jokes and stories is a simple but effective way to make him feel good about himself.
And what red-blooded man wouldn’t want to be around a sassy girl that he can associate his GOOD FEELINGS with?
The gift of showing real interest is the direct path to greater rapport in ANY sort of conversation you’re in. Although our general interest here is to attract men through a good chat, we also have to consider the big picture here.
An attractive woman is someone who can have a great conversation with just about anybody. When you have a POSITIVE attitude towards the rest of humankind, it’s an indication of how you’d be on a date.
…or as a girlfriend.
If you’re there to talk with ANYONE purely for the pleasure of their company… and NOT because you want their approval… then that sincerity will naturally show.
People (hunks included) just tend you like more when you want to hang out with them with NO strings attached.
So what I’m saying here is that you shouldn’t just limit your awesome conversational skills to men alone. Find an opportunity to flex your social muscles and chat up a storm with the next person you run into!
It doesn’t matter if it’s the nice old lady at the library, the friendly cashier at your favorite coffee place, or your fellow students at yoga class. Every person out there offers a chance for you to become a more sociable person.
Trust me, this mindset is the sure-fire path to becoming drop-dead gorgeous in the long run! What have you got to lose after all?
And part of developing the right mindset is by expanding your knowledge and beliefs about dating…
When you think about it, the cost of failure is pretty much ZERO, so get out there and work it!
So, are you are serious about changing your love life success?
If you want genuine men and not just any man, this will challenge your beliefs about love and attraction, and show you the way to become a seduction success story…
No games. No scripted lines. Real life dating advice for real women! Check this out…
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