By Brad Browning
From The Ex Factor Guide
If you can’t tell for sure if you’re over analyzing your ex’s behavior, then check this out…
How to Get Your Ex Back By Texting
Learn on how to win your ex back by simply texting on your phone.
Texting can be an extremely effective method of establishing rapport, trust and attraction with your ex, if executed correctly.
If you have no idea what you’re doing, then texting your ex can be a one-way ticket to staying single and looking desperate.
The BIG question, “Should I call or text my ex?”
Personally, I believe texting is a much safer way to communicate with your ex. It doesn’t require you to have a full-blown, face-to-face conversation and it’s extremely non-invasive.
Your ex is free to reply to you whenever he or she wants and you’re able to reply to your ex’s text whenever you want too.
This sort of dynamic allows you time to think about what to say before you actually say it.
Texting is usually the best route when communicating with their exes, but in some cases, texting might not be the right move.
For instance, if you and your ex never texted one another during your relationship, it might be weird to all of a sudden start texting him or her.
Keep this in mind before employing the tips that I reveal in this post.
Before I get started with what to text your ex, I’m going to first teach you what not to do, so you know, right off the bat, what you absolutely SHOULD NOT do if you want to get your ex back through texting.
And let me tell you, after coaching people for 10 years, I can say that the vast majority of people do commit these huge texting errors. And these mistakes can sometimes decimate any chance of rekindling a relationship with your ex.
I always like the saying, “When emotions run high, logic runs low.”
When you’re reeling from a tough breakup, chances are you’re not thinking clear.
You’re heartbroken, desperate, depressed and you’re just not yourself.
And most importantly, you’re not thinking logically! And when logic goes out the window, people tend to send 3 different kinds of BAD text messages.
These are text messages that you might be guilty of, so it’s important you listen closely to what I’m about to say.
The “Hate Text.”
While venting can be therapeutic, saying mean things to your ex will ruin your chances of ever rebuilding a relationship with him or her. Pretty obvious, right?
If you find yourself angry with your ex, then give yourself a moment to cool down before you pick up your phone.
While being angry and emotional is completely normal for a person in your situation, it’s wise to not act on these emotions if you want to win your ex back.
I mean, what is your goal right now? To get in that “one last shot” at your ex? Or is it to win them back and make them love you again?”
Think about it this way: people tend to gravitate towards things that make them feel good and if your ex associates negative feelings with you, the less likely it is they’ll feel attracted to you again, let alone talk to you.
Take a chill pill, relax and live to fight another day.
The “Bad text” or “Bad text messages” or the “Spam Texts”.
When emotions are running and high and you’re feeling desperate, all you want to do is just pick up your phone and start texting your ex no-stop. The problem is nobody likes spam and nobody wants to talk to someone who’s frantic and desperate.
Put yourself in the shoes of someone who’s receiving 20 or 30 messages a day from someone you don’t even want to talk to! Maybe you’ve even been there yourself. It’s annoying, right?
One client told me that he sent 67 text messages over the course of 2 days to his ex without getting a single reply and needless to say, this man didn’t get his ex-back.
No surprise there.
The “Overemotional Text”.
These are texts that come across as extremely needy.
Anything along the lines of, “You broke my heart” or “I don’t think I can love another again.”
Stuff like that will kill any sort of attraction that your ex has for you.
At the time, you might think that these text messages sound honest and sweet, but in reality, showing neediness to such a high degree will drive your ex far, far away.
By sending any of these three text messages, you turn yourself into what I call “The Texting Terrorist.”
You’re forcing your ex to feel hurt and be annoyed by you and in some cases, you’ll even scare your ex off completely.
I know what some of you might be thinking right now “Oh crap, I totally made all of these texting mistakes! Am I screwed or is there a chance of salvaging my situation?”
The quick answer is yes, there is a chance you can recover from these mistakes and there is a chance you can get back on the road towards winning your ex back, but you’ll have to follow my instructions very carefully.
If you committed some of these errors, then it’s important to get your ex back to what I call “Emotional Neutral.”
Right now, your ex is feeling annoyed or angered by your text messages and rightfully.
The next logical step is to remove all the negative feelings your ex has of you by sending a quick apology text and employing the “No Contact” strategy.
The “No Contact” strategy involves not contacting your ex for a certain period of time.
You’ve probably seen some relationship gurus here on YouTube disagree with this tactic but through my experience and research, the “No Contact” strategy is absolutely necessary in most situations.
There are certain exceptions to this rule, but for the vast majority of you, “No Contact” is a must.
If you’ve been sending any of these hurtful or desperate text messages, the quickest way to get your ex to rebound is to first send a quick apology text, something quick and short.
Say something along the lines of ”Sorry, I’ve been emotional the past few days. Other things have been stressing me on top of this breakout and I lashed out. Wish you luck.” And that’s it.
This text message accomplishes two things, you apologize to your ex and you give yourself an excuse for acting inappropriately.
After you send this, you MUST engage in no-contact for a period of at least 30 days.
It doesn’t matter if your ex texts you back or asks you how you’re doing, etc., when I say no contact, I really do mean NO CONTACT.
So literally ZERO text messages during this time.
This is very important for several reasons.
See, right now your ex thinks that YOU’RE chasing him or her.
They think that they have all the power and that if they wanted to, they could have you back whenever they want.
So, what you need to do is to take that power away from them so that they begin to start chasing YOU instead.
For example, imagine your ex sends you a message 15 days into the no-contact period and he or she gets no reply for several days.
Your ex will start constantly checking his or her phone, waiting for a response.
This will make your ex emotional and he or she will wonder why you aren’t replying and this is exactly why no-contact works so brilliantly.
It turns the tables upside down and makes your ex WANT to talk to you.
A lot of men and women ask me, “How long should my no contact period be?”
And the answer to that fully depends on the severity of your breakup.
How much begging and pleading did you do directly after the breakup? Did you send angry text messages to him or her? Did you send any of the three so-called “bad text” messages I described earlier? Ask yourself these questions and BE HONEST with yourself.
If you committed several of these errors and you know your ex is annoyed or angry at you, you probably need to wait more than 30 days.
In some cases, I recommend clients not contact their ex for 60 days or more. Again, this all depends on his or her specific situation.
Let’s fast forward this timeline and say that you’ve done everything perfectly.
You quickly apologized, you engaged in No Contact and you do all of the other things that I recommend in my Ex Factor Guide program.
What now? How do you go from “No Contact“ phase to having a positive conversation with your ex? And, by the way, that is the goal right now.
At this point in time, your only goal should be to establish positive rapport with your ex.
You’re not going to make them fall madly in love with you again just by sending a few messages but building rapport is a crucial beginning.
What kind of text should you be sending? Are you ready?
The three kinds of text messages that are sure to establish a good basis for reconnecting with your ex:
Text #1: “Big Interest” text message.
Remember, nobody wants to receive a super boring text like “hey” or “what’s up”. Not only do these texts lack purpose, but it doesn’t make your ex feel any emotions at all.
You want to send something that makes them feel good and that has actual value.
To let you know what I mean, let’s jump into an example of a “Big Interest” text message. You could send your ex something like “Hey, just heard that the ‘Foo Fighters’ are coming into town in June, just remembered how much you loved them. Hope everything is going well.”
And that’s it! For now, this is all you need to send to your text message to eventually get started and reconnect with your ex.
So why does this text message work? Well, for one, you have a very clear purpose as to why you’re texting your ex.
You’re not begging, you’re not pleading or getting angry, you’re simply letting him or her know about something that may be a huge interest to them.
Secondly, you’re not forcing a conversation.
You end the reply with, “Hope everything is going well.”
Your ex can reply to your text it if they want or they can simply ignore it. But if you did everything correctly up until this point, you should be getting a positive response from your ex.
The second ice-breaker text message is a little more advanced, so use it with caution.
Text #2: “Good Reminder” text message.
The goal of this text message is to remind your ex of a positive experience you two shared while you were together, without appearing awkward or weird.
Let’s jump into an example text, you could say something like… “Hey, remember that amazing dinner we had on the corner of Yates and Blanchard St.? What was the name of that restaurant again? I want to take a friend there.”
Depending on where you’re at with your ex, this message can do wonders.
In this particular text message, you’re reminding your ex of the amazing dinner that you two shared together and this will force your ex to think about that positive experience.
Secondly, this text message is great because it incites a little bit of jealousy and mystery.
Your ex might be thinking, ”Who are you taking to dinner with and why?” Again, this text message is extremely effective if you send it at the right time.
If you feel like your ex is still annoyed by you, then sending this text message will only ensure that won’t get a reply back. So, wait at this one until you’re at the right point.
Text #3: The “Smile Text”.
This text message should only be used if you handled your breakup properly as in you didn’t beg or plead and you didn’t get angry.
Let’s jump into an example, shall we? Say something like “I just stumbled upon my old copy of Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince and it made me think about you for the first time in a while and it put a smile on my face!” And you can send a happy face there.
Again, like the last two text messages, your text message has a purpose.
You’re trying to reel your ex in emotionally with something positive and interesting.
You aren’t trying to stir up any drama or the set the world on fire, you’re simply reconnecting and building rapport.
Attraction, love, romance. etc. are all things that will come much later in this process.
If you’ve done everything correctly, your ex will respond to you in a positive way, but there are a few things you need to remember when trying to carry a conversation with him or her via text.
Rule #1. Put a “delay” in between all of your text messages
At this point, you’ll want to appear as non-show as possible and putting a solid delay in between text messages can do just that.
So instead of replying to his or her text messages right away, wait an hour or more.
This will create some level of anticipation in your ex and will also help remove any sort of “desperate” or “needy” sentiment your ex still may have of you.
If you’ve just reconnected after the no contact period, then you should only be exchanging a few text messages a day, no more than 6 or 7 text messages per day that’s a maximum.
Rule #2. Keep your replies brief, but don’t forget some basic principles
If you were to send huge, long, rambling text message, you might appear a little desperate for attention.
Keep the text messages as short as possible, but not so short that you kill the conversation.
Keep talking about things that interest your ex and ask honest questions.
Rule #3. Never bring up any drama
Don’t talk about your past relationship, don’t ask who they’re dating right now and don’t try and argue with your ex. The goal here is to remain positive so that your ex will want to meet up with you.
So now that we’ve established some rules, how do you go from texting your ex to dating your ex? Well, first things first, you need to establish a quick meet up.
No, you don’t want to ask your ex out on a date or anything like that, but you’ll want to have a quick coffee or hangout with your ex at some point.
The best way to do this is to make sure you have a very good reason to want to see your ex.
For example, say you’ve been texting your ex back and forth for a few days and you want to finally take it to the next level and set up a coffee hangout.
Don’t just ask them to go out for coffee, this could set off alarm bells inside your ex’s mind.
You’ll need to have an EXCUSE to meet up with your ex.
Let me jump right into an example text before I explain, you might say something like “By the way, I’m planning a trip to Portugal at the end of August and could use some advice. Since I know you’ve been there, it would be awesome if you could give me some pointers! Can we grab a quick coffee this Friday? I’d really appreciate it!“
And here’s another example… “I’m redesigning my living room and was wondering if you could give me a few pointers! I know you’ve always been good with interior design stuff. Could we grab a quick 20-minute coffee?”
Something simple and straightforward like this is a perfect way to set the tone.
You’ll want to appear friendly for now, any sort of flirting or suggestion of romance might scare your ex.
For now, just set up a meeting. Once you learn how to do this, you’ll be able to start pushing your ex’s psychological “hot buttons” again and make them fall for you again by using my “3R System”.
The “3R System” is what I teach in my Ex Factor Guide and its method that I’ve used to teach thousands of men and women how to win back the love of their lives.
It’s pretty simple and straightforward and it will give you the very best chance to win your ex back for good.
If you want to know more information on exactly how my “3R System works, I strongly suggest to you go check out the free video below.
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